This week sees the tenth anniversary of when I started to write. In this newsletter I would like to celebrate that anniversary and share some of the lessons that I have learned along the way.

Back in 1999 I felt very unfulfilled. My work as an IT consultant was incredibly well paid and I was living the life of Riley but I didn’t have an outlet for my creative talents and my dream of being an inspirational speaker seemed a million miles away. Thankfully, while I was on holiday in New York, I got into a conversation with an astrologer who talked a lot of technical astrology and numerology stuff that I didn’t understand and then said, “Ah, you’ve got Gemini in your mid-heaven. That suggests you could be good at writing.” This for me was like a light bulb igniting. He recommended that I buy two books by Julia Cameron called The Right To Write and The Artist’s Way and work through the exercises in them. He also suggested that I keep a journal for a year and see what emerged from that process.

I was very excited by the concept of writing and raced straight off to Barnes & Noble, a bookstore chain in the USA, and bought the books and a spiral-bound notebook. A couple of hours later, while I was waiting at JFK airport for my flight home, I did my first writing exercise.

That day was 24th August 1999 and it was the start of an amazing creative journey. Looking back over the last ten years I feel I have achieved so much. I have written a novel, several short stories and for many years I wrote articles for a Buddhist magazine called The Art of Living. In response to my dream of being an inspirational speaker I set up Lead The Life You Want To Lead, have coaching clients and now give my own talks and workshops. I no longer work full-time in IT though sometimes I do part-time consulting work. This suits me very well because it is a good income stream yet still leaves time for my creative endeavours and for Lead The Life. Finally, after years of living life as a Bridget Jones singleton, I now have a wonderful partner.

I would like to share some of the lessons I have learned during these last ten years. Firstly: start! Whatever your heart’s desire may be in terms of hobbies, creative pursuits or a future occupation, start taking small steps of action towards it. I worked through Julia Cameron’s books and then began working on my novel while I was still working full time in IT. If your dreams lead beyond your current day job then don’t give it up straightaway but see if you can make the job fit your needs, rather than vice versa – and keep taking action towards your future.

Always live a life of learning and be inspired by those around you. Celebrate the success of others, learn how they created this success and apply those principles to your own endeavours.

Persist! I have had many, many knock-backs and disappointments. However, the only way to make your dreams come true is to keep at it, no matter what.

Don’t be afraid to dream big goals. I have many items on my goal list that I haven’t yet achieved, but for the ones that have come to fruition, it is incredibly satisfying to tick them off.

In my talks and workshops my key message is always that it doesn’t matter how long it takes to achieve your goals, what matters is that you keep taking action towards them. I always stress this because it applies as much to myself as to those in the audience. For example my novel is still not published. However I’m inspired with the knowledge that Stephen King collected a huge pile of rejection letters before making it big, so I’m on the right track! This goal is taking longer than I thought to achieve but as long as I keep taking action towards it, then there is a good chance that I will succeed – even if it takes another ten years!

Looking ahead to August 2019, what would you like to achieve? What would you like to be reporting back on? What are your proudest accomplishments going to be? What action do you need to take today to make them happen?

Recently I was asked by a local BBC radio station to comment on a survey which stated that the average Briton spends two and a quarter hours a day worrying. This figure had risen by half an hour because of the credit crunch. That means in the course of a lifetime, we will spend an average of six years and six months fretting over problems or potential problems. In order to respond I started thinking about how we can not only cope but survive and thrive in troubled times.

The first point I made in the interview was that research has shown that 80% of what we worry about does not actually happen. Based on the above figure that means that we are wasting one hour and forty minutes a day on unrequited worry when we could be doing something more fun, nurturing or taking action to solve what ever it is we are worrying about. There is nothing like taking action, even if it is only the first one or two steps of a much bigger task to help calm the nerves and start to feel in control of the situation. Doing something is empowering, doing nothing and sitting in a panic is not.

Very often our fears (or fear of our fears) are harder to deal with than if they actually happened and turned into reality. I once heard a story from a lady whose apartment had burned into the ground; not only that but she discovered that her insurance had expired just a couple of days before the fire and she had not renewed it. Her husband worked on a self employed basis from home in the media technology sector and all of his equipment was destroyed. This meant that in addition to the family being made homeless, they also had no source of income. However day by day, with the help of friends and family, they did what had to be done, her husband was offered some highly paid office based work where he did not need his own equipment and now, five years later they live in an amazing house that they once only dreamed of. Looking back over the experience she says that having to face her fears was not as bad as being continually scared by them. She had always felt held back by the nagging worry of ‘losing it all’ but when this became reality she actually found it very freeing and feels fortunate for having had the experience. She no longer lives under the dark clouds of worry and doubt.

Another way of reducing our worries is to stop feeding them. A few weeks ago my television broke and for two weeks I only had the radio for entertainment. During this time I noticed that I felt less anxious about the worsening economic situation and realised it was because I was no longer starting my day watching television news nor ending it with News At Ten. The radio gave me a quick bulletin of the main news points so I was not ignorant of current affairs but I was not spending too much time focussing on the doom and gloom nor was I re-enforcing the negative feelings with visual images. Happily my television is now repaired and I have decided to keep refraining from watching the news.

We can also reduce our worries by making ourselves stronger. Imagine a thin, weak tree with brittle branches and not many roots. If a strong wind were to blow then the tree will snap or topple over. Now imagine a tree with a strong trunk and deep, wide roots. The same strength of wind may make its branches sway a little but the tree will remain standing and the gale will eventually pass. How could you become stronger so that you can withstand the storms that life produces from time to time?

As I have mentioned above taking action towards our worries builds inner strength. However, remember that you can only act on affairs within your control. For example, you cannot personally control the unemployment statistics or resurrect Woolworths from the dead but you can examine your own finances, make sure that you are getting the best value for money on household bills and trim your expenses accordingly.

Another way of creating a stronger self is through a regular prayer or meditative practice. This might be through an established religion or be of a more spiritual nature. Our inner strength can also be increased by disciplined activities that we do “religiously” such as exercise, walking or writing a daily diary. These activities give us time and space for personal reflection where we can sort out in our own mind what is worth worrying about, and what isn’t.

We have all the wisdom we need to succeed with life’s challenges – it is just a case of tapping into that wisdom and learning to trust what it tells us.

“Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we have been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.” Barack Obama

We are living in unprecedented times of turmoil and strife. From the continued violence in DR Congo to the collapse of our financial systems, stability we once took for granted no longer exists. Alongside these seismic shifts we are skating around trying to hold our lives together as best we can.

A few weeks ago a gentleman called me to enquire about coaching. He was involved in the construction business and was suffering because of the downturn in the housing market. When people phone me to ask about my services I usually give them a mini coaching session there and then, so I asked him where he would like to be a year from now. He replied that he wanted to return to having a materially well-off life with all the trappings of success such as a new car every year. As the coach I asked him what would need to happen for him to achieve these objectives and he responded that the property market would have to come back up again. This seemed to me to be a very external answer as he had no direct control over the housing market yet all his desires and sense of wellbeing were resting on it. I then asked him what action could he personally take that would help his situation which did not depend on the market. He was very surprised that I had asked him such a question. Although he answered with a couple of suggestions he was clearly uncomfortable that I was pressing him for action and the conversation was soon over.

I felt quite disturbed by this phone call and was concerned for the gentleman. I was struck by how dependent he was on external factors and how, with that factor not performing the way he wanted it to, he was completely lost.

We have to take responsibility for our own situation and be flexible and open minded in the approach we take in order to cope with what life hurls at us. We may need to drastically cut our lifestyle or be prepared to accept a job or pay packet that is less than we are used to. How many ways can we see value in our lives that is not linked to our financial worth? What action can we take to increase this alternative value? What can we prepare ourselves to let go of if our status quo is threatened?

Having mostly lived a freelance life I have always survived without job security but I cannot imagine the pain I feel if I were to lose my home. But I do know that I have a very nimble mind that would quickly think of alternative solutions and would make the best of wherever I found myself.

There is opportunity in change and very often a downturn in circumstances can lead us to buried treasure that we would not have otherwise discovered. More than once in my career I have had to accept a pay rate that was beneath my desired level. This always motivated me to find ways for alternative income which eventually resulted in me earning far more than I had originally planned.

Only we can find happiness and fulfilment for ourselves and we have to make regular efforts to build this sense of inner security. As we do that let’s determine to not only survive through current adversities but to find ways to thrive as well. As the man whose quotation appears at the top of this blog entry says – “Yes We Can!”

Today has been an unprecedented day in the financial markets. My commiserations go to the 5000 staff in the London office of Lehman Brothers who have lost their jobs.

Some of those people will be straight back out in the market with their CVs, others may take a breather to consider their options. Whether you decide that you might as well bail out of the city and become a rock star or whether you decide to stick with the banking industry, do consider whether coaching will help you evaluate your alternatives.

I am currently offering a one-off 2 hour coaching session for £195 for those currently facing redundancy or for those nervous that they may be next.

Even if you need to hang on to the day job to pay the bills, I can help you find a way to satisfy your personal and creative ambitions at the same time. As an ex investment banker, I know your world.

Phone me now on 020 7401 2633 for more details.

Hi all. It has been a couple of weeks since I blogged so here is my latest update. I have now written a completely new chapter one to Tales of the Countess and am now working on Chapter 2. I think by the end of this chapter I should be able then to make the link to my existing draft. From that point onwards I’ll be editing rather than writing afresh. So I’m about half way through the hardest part! I have quite a bit of time to write this week so am hoping to make good progress.

Last week I heard the most wonderful tip. It is called a Gratitude Book and it works like this: at the end of each day you write down three things that happened in your day that you feel gratitude for. I heard about this on Tuesday evening at the end of what had been a very s**t and frustrating day. I decided to try out the technique and it was fantastic to overlook my irritation and to find and pick out three positives from the day. I’ve been doing it since and it is really good fun.

So often when we are working in our own businesses or in creative pursuits (and I’m doing both at the moment!) we can get very bogged down if we don’t see immediate results from our labours. This can lead to a plummeting self esteem which can then create a disastrous negative cycle. I think that spending a couple of minutes at the end of the day to pull out three positives (or three small achievements) and feel gratitude for them will boost self esteem and result in a new upwards and positive cycle.

As per usual there have been ups and downs since I last posted to the blog. Last time I was ecstatic to have made a start on the redraft of Tales of the Countess. However a week ago I hit a low moment with it when, last Friday, I had the horrible feeling that all my recent research and new opening was not going to fit onto my existing draft of the novel. Not a great way to finish up the week!

Anyway, persistence is the name of the game so I cleared some time from my schedule this week to figure out a solution. I am pleased to say that yesterday I came up with a plan that will hopefully knit the old and the new together. I also came up with a list of scenes, some new and some re-crafted from the old draft, that I can now methodically work through over the next few days and weeks. I love it when I have a formula in place.

This was one of those weeks when I had to face my fears. Yes – contrary to popular belief – life coaches are not perfect people and do have their own fears and foibles. I’ve always been a bit nervous about approaching and dealing with the press even though it really is necessary to grow my business. With my Autumn workshops approaching it is time to seek publicity, face that fear and take action. Whilst I did crash and burn with a couple of the newspapers that I contacted I am pleased to say that I did learn from those mistakes and had good conversations with the Ham and High in North London as well as the London Lite. It is funny how synchronicity works – because at the same time I have also come across the perfect training course on handling the media. It is exactly what I need at the right time. The course is on 17th October, so watch this space for news of it (and results from it!).

How would I summarise this week? It has been a week of intense lows and a couple of highs. I started off the week not feeling at all optimistic about the various things on my plate. I am pleased, and relieved, to say that the week has ended much better, break-throughs have been made and the right people that I need to help me have miraculously materialised. Phew!

Hello everyone. I am proud to announce that today I have started on the re-draft of my novel Tales of the Countess. I was very nervous about writing a new opening scene and could easily have spent this week not doing it. So I decided on my fail-safe back to basics routine – morning writing.

I’m trained as a writer by the Julia Cameron’s Artist Way philosophy which is, first thing in the morning, to write morning pages and then go straight into a page of your writing project. I have been a regular on morning pages for the last eight years. I don’t do them everyday and I don’t always do a full three pages but I have consistently done them at least two or three times a week and find them to be the lynchpin of my creative activity. Today, at 7.20am I did a page and then thought “what the hell – let’s get straight into the Countess” and then wrote about 300 words of my new draft. Unfortunately I was interrupted by having to look out the back door at the hurricane like wind and rain that was blowing across London at that time, as well as the sudden realisation that I had left my car parked illegally and I had until 8am to move it! So then I had to pull on my rainwear and brave the squally shower that was raging outside. Thankfully the car did not have a ticket and the writing did at least get started. Now that I have started I no longer feel nervous about continuing with the opening scene.

Finally – I have a bonus benefit from getting started today and writing this blog. I did a Google search on ‘morning pages’ so I could include a reference for you to look up what morning pages are and I found the most useful website for chick lit authors. Certainly worth me checking it out, and in the meantime – here is the explanation of morning pages that I found. http://www.chicklit.co.uk/articles/the_magic_of_morning_pages.asp

Consider the following quotation by Steven Pressfield, author of The War of Art:

Have you ever brought home a treadmill and let it gather dust in the attic? Ever quit a diet, a course of yoga, a meditation practice? Have you ever bailed out on a call to embark upon a spiritual practice, dedicate yourself to a humanitarian calling, commit your life to the service of others? Have you ever wanted to be a mother, a doctor, an advocate for the weak and helpless; to run for office, crusade for the planet, campaign for world peace, or to preserve the environment? Late at night have you experienced a vision of the person you might become, the work you could accomplish, the realized being you were meant to be? Are you a writer who doesn’t write, a painter who doesn’t paint, an entrepreneur who never starts a venture? Then you know what Resistance is.

I’m sure that most of us relate to some aspect of this description. It is all very well having plans and clearly defined goals, but if that were all we needed then I would be out of a job and all of you would be doing exactly what you wanted with your lives. Fear, or resistance, is a major factor in whether or not we achieve our dreams and carry out our intentions.

I classify fear as having two types – tangible and intangible. Tangible fear is the obvious stuff. For example, we may be afraid if we are in danger, we may be scared of someone if we are in trouble with them or we may fear someone who we perceive as being stronger or better than ourselves.

Intangible fear, however, is not as clear cut. Intangible fear stops us being the person we really want to be; intangible fear tells us that we can never do the things we have always dreamed of; intangible fear stops us even dreaming of the things we would like to be or do; intangible fear keeps us in our comfort zone; intangible fear can stop us loving and being loved. Intangible fear can definitely stop us from leading the life we want to lead!

Intangible fear is the carbon monoxide of fear. You can’t touch it, feel it or smell it – but if you have too much of it in your life it can have a very nasty effect. More than half the battle with intangible fear is seeing that it actually exists and admitting to ourselves that we are suffering from it. Then we can concentrate on overcoming it.

The resistance caused by intangible fear can be a very useful compass. It usually occurs with a project or desire that is very close to our hearts. The resistance arises because our small ego wants to continue ruling our lives and does not want us to connect with the desires of our soul. It does everything it can to throw obstacles in our way. Therefore, when we are feeling fearful about our project or are getting knocked about by numerous obstacles, we can be sure that we are absolutely on exactly the right course for our lives – otherwise the resistance would not be happening.

These obstacles can manifest in different ways. For example, when I first started to write seriously I developed RSI so using a computer keyboard or holding a pen became a challenge. I could have been defeated by this but I was determined that I would continue to produce creative material. I had to seek treatment and learn the art of patience but I still managed, one page at a time, to write my novel.

Sometimes the resistance comes from other people. You may have a friend or a family member who is always trying to dissuade you from listening to your heart –or they might be the one who gets sick or has an accident every time you are about to make progress. Finally, resistance can come purely from within – as our fear paralyses us from taking the action we know we could take. Incidentally, procrastination is a manifestation of fear and resistance.

How can we overcome such fear and resistance? Firstly, by knowing and acknowledging that it exists. Secondly, it is necessary to look the resistance squarely in the eye, see it for what it is and determine to win over it no matter what. Finally we need to take action. The action needs to be in bite-sized pieces that we can handle. It is a case of breaking down the task in hand to small enough steps so that the first one is very easy to take. Then we can feel good about having made a start on our project and momentum kicks in to help us take the next step.

You can do whatever you wish with your life. There is always a way. Once you get to grips with how fear and resistance manifests in your life, you are on your way to winning the battle to overcome it.

If you need a helping hand with breaking through your resistance then come to my Stop Procrastinating, Start Doing workshop

Mission is the one unique thing that you can contribute to the world that no one else would be able to do as well as you. It will be different for everyone and operate at different levels for each person. For some it may appear loftier than others. For one person it may be their whole life and vocation, for others it will be a part of their life – perhaps a hobby which they simply must carry out. For everyone it is a contribution to the world and a role that cannot be fulfilled by anyone else but you. What’s your mission and are you living it?

Mission isn’t necessarily about giving up your job and doing something completely different. Your mission may be to be a fantastic account manager without whom there would be no smooth communication between clients and your company. If you weren’t the one taking extra trouble to iron out problems for your clients then who else would be taking so much care? Mission may also be about being the most wonderful mother or father. Mission is essentially about living your life to the fullest and having honest heart to heart communications with all people in your world.

But what if, deep down, you know that your mission isn’t about what you are doing now and that it will involve a major change in direction? What is the best way to achieve this?

My advice is – do it gradually. I’ll share my story with you. For many years I had been inspired by personal development speakers. It was 1999 and I had attended many seminars and always had the feeling that I too should be this kind of speaker. I also started writing around this time and enjoyed the creative process. This left me with two activities that I wanted to do but no real understanding as to how to make them happen and earn a living at the same time. After about eighteen months I decided not to give up my job as an IT consultant, but to do it part-time. This gave me the best of both worlds – money still coming in and time to write. I had yet to fulfil my dream of being a speaker but eventually, whilst still working part-time in my computer job, I started to develop some ideas. In October 2003 I gave a prototype Lead The Life You Want To Lead talk. Four years into this process it seemed the right moment to finally take the plunge and now I fully devote myself to my Lead The Life business and to writing.

Slow and steady progress towards your dream, or mission, will give it a strong foundation. It can also be more achievable than a sudden drastic change.

Moving towards your mission isn’t always easy. Lots of problems will try and block you including your own fear and procrastination. Inner resistance can show up in many forms – illness, other “things” getting in the way, family opposition or a promotion in your day job that you feel you ‘should’ take, etc etc. I’m sure you have many more examples of your own that you could add to this list! It is easy to find excuses not to achieve your mission but the truth is, you will never be deeply happy unless you do start working towards it.

Why do so many things get in the way of your mission? Ultimately it is the work of the small ego. It doesn’t want you to be happy. It doesn’t want you to start operating from your heart. It doesn’t want you to connect with your soul and carry out your life purpose. The small ego wants your life to stay as it is where it retains control. It wants to keep you in your comfort zone and it wants you always to be its servant. It prefers that it rules you, not vice versa. It is the small ego which says “You can’t do that” or “Who do you think you are to even think of doing that?”.

Fear not – the small ego can be beaten. All you need is persistence and a huge amount of passion for what you want to do. Then you just proceed one small step at a time, in a way that is manageable for you. You can then show your small ego who is boss and start to live from your higher self. You can move forwards despite your small ego’s best efforts to thwart you. And if it does win the occasional victory – don’t worry, just get back on your feet and keep fighting it. Eventually the pain of not following your mission will be greater than the pain of doing it and then you will have all the resource, motivation and impetus that you need.

I really believe that living in accordance with your mission is important and it is my mission to encourage you to achieve this.

If you would like help discovering your mission and making it happen then check out my Start The Future Now and Stop, Procrastinating, Start Doing workshops.