When it comes to finding time to write it is often necessary to be exact with your time management. The completion, and publication, of my novel is becoming more and more important to my overall business success. However, even I – a life coach, have found it difficult to put enough time aside to concentrate on writing. My business keeps me very busy and I have a mile long list of marketing ideas that will bring me more business – but if I spend too much time doing them then I am not writing!

In the last few days I have had to have a brutal look at that to-do list. For each item on it I have asked the question, “Is this more important that my writing?” For some of the items the answer was yes so I still need to schedule time to do the activities. And for some the answer was no. Some of the ‘no’ items are important and are good ideas, but for the time being they will have to wait and I will get back to them in a month or two.

What is it that you are never getting around to doing? Then look at the barriers that keep stopping you progressing with your aims. You can now ask yourself, barrier by barrier, which is more important. By doing this you may find some useful insights as to how you manage your time.

Hi all. It has been a couple of weeks since I blogged so here is my latest update. I have now written a completely new chapter one to Tales of the Countess and am now working on Chapter 2. I think by the end of this chapter I should be able then to make the link to my existing draft. From that point onwards I’ll be editing rather than writing afresh. So I’m about half way through the hardest part! I have quite a bit of time to write this week so am hoping to make good progress.

Last week I heard the most wonderful tip. It is called a Gratitude Book and it works like this: at the end of each day you write down three things that happened in your day that you feel gratitude for. I heard about this on Tuesday evening at the end of what had been a very s**t and frustrating day. I decided to try out the technique and it was fantastic to overlook my irritation and to find and pick out three positives from the day. I’ve been doing it since and it is really good fun.

So often when we are working in our own businesses or in creative pursuits (and I’m doing both at the moment!) we can get very bogged down if we don’t see immediate results from our labours. This can lead to a plummeting self esteem which can then create a disastrous negative cycle. I think that spending a couple of minutes at the end of the day to pull out three positives (or three small achievements) and feel gratitude for them will boost self esteem and result in a new upwards and positive cycle.

It has been a couple of weeks since I updated this blog. The main reason for this is that I was preparing for my Start The Future Now workshop that took place last Saturday. I had a wonderful group of people in West Hampstead on Saturday morning who all figured out a game plan that would take them from where they are now to where they would prefer to be in life. I look forward to presenting my next workshop – Stop Procrastinating, Start Doing on 1st December.

I put a lot of effort into delivering workshops and find that it can be leave me quite tired and drained for a couple of days afterward. This week was no exception so I decided to take the beginning of the week off. On Monday the weather was very grey and pretty cold so, after treating myself to breakfast at my local café, I had a wonderful day on my sofa watching movies and DVDs of my favourite TV shows (not telling you which show because I’m too embarrassed. The only clue I’ll give you is that it is an 80s classic!)

On Tuesday the weather was much brighter so I took myself into Central London and had a fabulous day mooching about Piccadilly and Mayfair. As I sat in a deckchair in Green Park, enjoying the Autumn trees and bright sunshine, it occurred to me that perhaps we all need a half term break. For me, September through to Christmas is a very productive time of year but it is good to take a couple of days breather and go out and ‘play’ somewhere. Your ‘play’ might involve a DVD fest, a shopping trip, a beauty treatment or taking the time to do something touristy in your own town or locale. I certainly enjoyed taking a back seat from my normal routine and seeing London through fresh eyes.

This is an apology if you have just arrived here from the Alternatives newsletter.

There was a mistake in the newsletter which ended up advertising my blog instead of my forthcoming Stop Procrastinating, Start Doing workshop. You can find details of the workshop at: http://www.leadthelife.net/events/stop-procrastinating.html.

Anyway, now you are here, have a look around and enjoy my website.

What would you like to achieve in the next year? Knowing what you want is very important. Spend some time thinking about how you would truly like your life to be and then crystallise your thoughts into a wish list or a set of goals. Alternatively, write a paragraph about your ideal life.

If you really have no idea or direction for the future then try this exercise. Imagine yourself sitting with a friend twelve months from now and telling them one piece of fabulous news. What would that piece of news be? Now you have something to aim for.

Once you have established what you want, the next step is to figure out how to get it. I suspect that the reason many New Year’s resolutions go by the wayside is that the person making them has not figured out how they are going to stop smoking, lose weight, exercise more etc. Changes in life require a game plan and also a support mechanism.

In my Start The Future Now workshops, I ask the participants to consider what they need to gain or lose in order to achieve their ideal life. Examples of what you need to gain might be a qualification, a fitness training buddy, a sum of money or three hours a week of extra childcare. Examples are what you need to lose might be less debt, a reduction in working hours or ten hours a week less of watching TV!

Once you know specifically what you need to gain and lose from your life, then you can start to figure out how. In my work as a coach my clients tell me about their ideas, their options and what option they would prefer to take. Then I ask them the killer question: “When are you going to do that?”

Action is extremely important. Nothing will happen without it. From your gains and losses you can build an action plan. Then you will know exactly what needs to be done over the coming days, weeks and months. Break each item down into small, achievable tasks. It doesn’t matter how long it takes to achieve your goals, but it is important that you take manageable regular action towards them. As long as you are moving along one step after another then you will eventually fulfil your desires.

Don’t panic if you don’t know how to go about achieving one of your gains or losses. Just figure out what the very first step would be. It might be something as simple as an internet search. When you’ve done that then the next step will quite naturally present itself to you.

Also figure out what support you might need. For example, if you want to lose some weight then you might need to have a chat with other people in your household about meals, shopping and whether to have unhealthy snacks in the kitchen cupboard. Or, if you want to set up a business, then maybe you need to find a mentor or get some advice from someone else who has done something similar.

You can make whatever changes you wish to your life. The results might not happen overnight but as long as you work out a way to do it with small, attainable steps then there is no reason why you can’t succeed.

Consider the following quotation by Steven Pressfield, author of The War of Art:

Have you ever brought home a treadmill and let it gather dust in the attic? Ever quit a diet, a course of yoga, a meditation practice? Have you ever bailed out on a call to embark upon a spiritual practice, dedicate yourself to a humanitarian calling, commit your life to the service of others? Have you ever wanted to be a mother, a doctor, an advocate for the weak and helpless; to run for office, crusade for the planet, campaign for world peace, or to preserve the environment? Late at night have you experienced a vision of the person you might become, the work you could accomplish, the realized being you were meant to be? Are you a writer who doesn’t write, a painter who doesn’t paint, an entrepreneur who never starts a venture? Then you know what Resistance is.

I’m sure that most of us relate to some aspect of this description. It is all very well having plans and clearly defined goals, but if that were all we needed then I would be out of a job and all of you would be doing exactly what you wanted with your lives. Fear, or resistance, is a major factor in whether or not we achieve our dreams and carry out our intentions.

I classify fear as having two types – tangible and intangible. Tangible fear is the obvious stuff. For example, we may be afraid if we are in danger, we may be scared of someone if we are in trouble with them or we may fear someone who we perceive as being stronger or better than ourselves.

Intangible fear, however, is not as clear cut. Intangible fear stops us being the person we really want to be; intangible fear tells us that we can never do the things we have always dreamed of; intangible fear stops us even dreaming of the things we would like to be or do; intangible fear keeps us in our comfort zone; intangible fear can stop us loving and being loved. Intangible fear can definitely stop us from leading the life we want to lead!

Intangible fear is the carbon monoxide of fear. You can’t touch it, feel it or smell it – but if you have too much of it in your life it can have a very nasty effect. More than half the battle with intangible fear is seeing that it actually exists and admitting to ourselves that we are suffering from it. Then we can concentrate on overcoming it.

The resistance caused by intangible fear can be a very useful compass. It usually occurs with a project or desire that is very close to our hearts. The resistance arises because our small ego wants to continue ruling our lives and does not want us to connect with the desires of our soul. It does everything it can to throw obstacles in our way. Therefore, when we are feeling fearful about our project or are getting knocked about by numerous obstacles, we can be sure that we are absolutely on exactly the right course for our lives – otherwise the resistance would not be happening.

These obstacles can manifest in different ways. For example, when I first started to write seriously I developed RSI so using a computer keyboard or holding a pen became a challenge. I could have been defeated by this but I was determined that I would continue to produce creative material. I had to seek treatment and learn the art of patience but I still managed, one page at a time, to write my novel.

Sometimes the resistance comes from other people. You may have a friend or a family member who is always trying to dissuade you from listening to your heart –or they might be the one who gets sick or has an accident every time you are about to make progress. Finally, resistance can come purely from within – as our fear paralyses us from taking the action we know we could take. Incidentally, procrastination is a manifestation of fear and resistance.

How can we overcome such fear and resistance? Firstly, by knowing and acknowledging that it exists. Secondly, it is necessary to look the resistance squarely in the eye, see it for what it is and determine to win over it no matter what. Finally we need to take action. The action needs to be in bite-sized pieces that we can handle. It is a case of breaking down the task in hand to small enough steps so that the first one is very easy to take. Then we can feel good about having made a start on our project and momentum kicks in to help us take the next step.

You can do whatever you wish with your life. There is always a way. Once you get to grips with how fear and resistance manifests in your life, you are on your way to winning the battle to overcome it.

If you need a helping hand with breaking through your resistance then come to my Stop Procrastinating, Start Doing workshop

Mission is the one unique thing that you can contribute to the world that no one else would be able to do as well as you. It will be different for everyone and operate at different levels for each person. For some it may appear loftier than others. For one person it may be their whole life and vocation, for others it will be a part of their life – perhaps a hobby which they simply must carry out. For everyone it is a contribution to the world and a role that cannot be fulfilled by anyone else but you. What’s your mission and are you living it?

Mission isn’t necessarily about giving up your job and doing something completely different. Your mission may be to be a fantastic account manager without whom there would be no smooth communication between clients and your company. If you weren’t the one taking extra trouble to iron out problems for your clients then who else would be taking so much care? Mission may also be about being the most wonderful mother or father. Mission is essentially about living your life to the fullest and having honest heart to heart communications with all people in your world.

But what if, deep down, you know that your mission isn’t about what you are doing now and that it will involve a major change in direction? What is the best way to achieve this?

My advice is – do it gradually. I’ll share my story with you. For many years I had been inspired by personal development speakers. It was 1999 and I had attended many seminars and always had the feeling that I too should be this kind of speaker. I also started writing around this time and enjoyed the creative process. This left me with two activities that I wanted to do but no real understanding as to how to make them happen and earn a living at the same time. After about eighteen months I decided not to give up my job as an IT consultant, but to do it part-time. This gave me the best of both worlds – money still coming in and time to write. I had yet to fulfil my dream of being a speaker but eventually, whilst still working part-time in my computer job, I started to develop some ideas. In October 2003 I gave a prototype Lead The Life You Want To Lead talk. Four years into this process it seemed the right moment to finally take the plunge and now I fully devote myself to my Lead The Life business and to writing.

Slow and steady progress towards your dream, or mission, will give it a strong foundation. It can also be more achievable than a sudden drastic change.

Moving towards your mission isn’t always easy. Lots of problems will try and block you including your own fear and procrastination. Inner resistance can show up in many forms – illness, other “things” getting in the way, family opposition or a promotion in your day job that you feel you ‘should’ take, etc etc. I’m sure you have many more examples of your own that you could add to this list! It is easy to find excuses not to achieve your mission but the truth is, you will never be deeply happy unless you do start working towards it.

Why do so many things get in the way of your mission? Ultimately it is the work of the small ego. It doesn’t want you to be happy. It doesn’t want you to start operating from your heart. It doesn’t want you to connect with your soul and carry out your life purpose. The small ego wants your life to stay as it is where it retains control. It wants to keep you in your comfort zone and it wants you always to be its servant. It prefers that it rules you, not vice versa. It is the small ego which says “You can’t do that” or “Who do you think you are to even think of doing that?”.

Fear not – the small ego can be beaten. All you need is persistence and a huge amount of passion for what you want to do. Then you just proceed one small step at a time, in a way that is manageable for you. You can then show your small ego who is boss and start to live from your higher self. You can move forwards despite your small ego’s best efforts to thwart you. And if it does win the occasional victory – don’t worry, just get back on your feet and keep fighting it. Eventually the pain of not following your mission will be greater than the pain of doing it and then you will have all the resource, motivation and impetus that you need.

I really believe that living in accordance with your mission is important and it is my mission to encourage you to achieve this.

If you would like help discovering your mission and making it happen then check out my Start The Future Now and Stop, Procrastinating, Start Doing workshops.

From the many years I have spent on a self development journey, combined with what I have learnt from my Buddhist practice, I understand that there are two types of happiness – relative and absolute.

Relative happiness, so called because it is related to what is going on around us at any given moment, is transient and dictated purely by external events. It occurs because something good has happened. Absolute happiness is an in-depth life state where one experiences happiness and fulfilment no matter what is going on. In other words, happiness continues to occur in spite of external events. Absolute happiness has an indestructible quality and is therefore more preferable to relative happiness.

Not that there is nothing wrong with relative happiness. We all feel uplifted when the weather is sunny or we find a twenty pound note in our pocket or when we are asked out on a date by a lovely person. However, if a few weeks or months go by and the weather is bad, our job is constantly stressful and we don’t have enough money – then the external triggers for happiness are not there. In this set of circumstances, if you only look outside of yourself for happiness and contentment then you are not going to find very much of it.

So it is all very well for the spiritual leaders and personal development gurus to dictate that absolute happiness is the way forward but when we are swamped by depression, self doubt or self loathing how can we actually achieve it?

Based on my own experiences, I think that absolute happiness is not about having a smile on your face all the time. Instead it is about developing a strong enough life condition to always have the courage to continue in the face of disappointment or to have the wisdom to see beyond immediate obstacles to the bigger picture. It also generated from taking small, regular steps towards your hearts desire even if your step pattern turns out to be two steps backward before you go forward! We need to have faith that we are on the right track even if current circumstances don’t yet prove this.

Manifesting a state of absolute happiness requires effort. When the chips are down we have to remember that it exists and decide whether we have a willingness, or not, to embrace it. I believe that at the moment you commit to finding absolute happiness in the midst of a difficult situation, then this is the also moment you simultaneously reveal it. Or, to put it more simply – the journey is the destination. When you commit to embarking on the journey to seek absolute happiness then you are building the life condition which allows you to experience it.

Where are you on the happiness scale? If your life is currently lacking any joy then spend some time pondering what happiness means to you. What essential components do you need to be happy? If the majority of these components are external factors then think more about absolute happiness. What help and support do you need to create more depth in your life? What additional practical action do you need to take in order to achieve your goals?

Can we be happy all the time? In terms of relative happiness the answer would have to be no. From the point of view of absolute happiness then the answer is yes. Perhaps a better question is – can we attain absolute happiness?

There are times in life when you feel so strongly about a particular matter that you have to be prepared to stand alone with your beliefs and to take action towards them even if nobody else wants to support you. For example, this might be in a political context, it may concern family relationships or it may be an artistic vision. Whatever the circumstance, you will need courage, determination and strength of character to defend your viewpoint and not be beaten into submission by other people’s opinions.

What is it that you must do, no matter what? What is it that your gut tells you simply must happen even though events, plans or people suggest otherwise? What is the cost of ignoring your gut instinct? And what is the opportunity of carrying it out?

I love turning to dictionary definitions when writing articles such as this. In my Chambers dictionary it describes the courage of one’s convictions as: courage to put one’s opinions into practice. The definition for courage is: the quality that enables a person to meet dangers without giving way to fear. From this we can deduce that a fundamental ingredient in standing by the courage of your conviction is to overcome the fear involved.

It doesn’t mean that you can’t have fear. Fear is natural and will always occur in dangerous or tricky situations. The key is to proceed despite the fear. One of my main ways of mitigating fear is to break things down to small, less daunting, logistical steps. For example, if having the courage of your convictions means that you have to have a difficult conversation with someone then there are things that you can do prior to talking with them. You could talk to other people to second guess how they might react or you could spend time preparing an alternative solution to propose to them. Perhaps you might need to gather friendship and support for yourself so that someone is looking out for you prior to and following the conversation.

If having the courage of conviction means changing your job or changing the direction of your business, again it isn’t something you have to do in one big scary step. You can gradually test the water with new ideas whilst still carrying out your main business activity. You can research new options or seek further training in your own time whilst still doing your day job.

At present, I am standing by the courage of my convictions in relation to my creative work. My novel, Tales of the Countess, has been turned down many times by the publishing industry. These rejections frequently give good feedback saying that the book is highly original and well written but sadly it isn’t right for the current market. I spent some time this summer considering different options for the story, some of which might be more ‘publishing friendly’. However, after much deliberation, my gut feel tells me that while there are some areas where I can improve, the framework and main components of the story should not be changed. I feel that the book tells a delightful story which really must stay in its current form. Along with this conviction came the realisation that I may have to consider self-publishing the book and circumvent the normal channels.

Whilst this is an exciting place to arrive at, it is also a scary one. Now it is me against the publishing market. I stand by my work, I stand by my story and I will find a way to get it into book stores. Don’t ask me how - because currently I don’t know. But trust me - I will find a way. However, at the moment all I have to worry about is doing the research to write a new and better draft. Later on I can figure out the commercial side of getting it to the market. If I worried about the publishing aspect too much now then I would never get any writing done and there will be no wonderful, finished book to promote!

It doesn’t matter how long it takes you to see through the courage of your convictions. What matters is that you take gradual action towards your vision. My writing project could easily take another year or two, possibly more. That doesn’t bother me. As long as I keep taking action then I will, one day, succeed. Remember, there comes a point when the pain of not doing something important becomes greater than the pain of actually doing it. What do you need to do now in order to stand by the courage of your convictions?

Here we go – my first blog entry.

If I had to sum up what it takes in order to lead the life you want to lead then I would have so say – persistence.

Very few things of value happen without persistence. Leading the life you want to lead is about following your heart, shooting for your dreams, not accepting second best in your life and striving to make your life the best that it can be. Whilst this concept sounds attractive and wholesome, it isn’t an easy ride.

The journey towards our heart’s desire rarely takes the course that we originally hoped it would take. It will take us on twists and turns and will also include some setbacks and disappointments along the way. And it will probably take much longer than we originally intended. Some setbacks will be minor and others will be major. When faced with a major obstacle we have two choices – to give up or persist.

The person who persists will win in the end. Most people who have had massive success in business have failed a few times first. And most famous authors, musicians or painters had their fair share of rejection before having their work recognised as being great. What if JK Rowling had given up the first few times when she told by the literary folk that “no-one wants to read about wizards” or “kids don’t like reading these days”?

Persistence takes courage, stamina and belief in yourself and your dreams. It also requires you to be kind to yourself and seek love and kindness from your friends and family. Advance slowly and steadily towards your dreams. When things go wrong, or get delayed, re-group and take some time to figure out what you need to do next and what help you may need. Sometimes it will feel like you are doing two steps forward and then one backwards. But remember – an arrow has to be pulled backwards in the bow in order to gain enough momentum to zoom forwards and hit the target.

Happy persisting to you.