This week sees the tenth anniversary of when I started to write. In this newsletter I would like to celebrate that anniversary and share some of the lessons that I have learned along the way.

Back in 1999 I felt very unfulfilled. My work as an IT consultant was incredibly well paid and I was living the life of Riley but I didn’t have an outlet for my creative talents and my dream of being an inspirational speaker seemed a million miles away. Thankfully, while I was on holiday in New York, I got into a conversation with an astrologer who talked a lot of technical astrology and numerology stuff that I didn’t understand and then said, “Ah, you’ve got Gemini in your mid-heaven. That suggests you could be good at writing.” This for me was like a light bulb igniting. He recommended that I buy two books by Julia Cameron called The Right To Write and The Artist’s Way and work through the exercises in them. He also suggested that I keep a journal for a year and see what emerged from that process.

I was very excited by the concept of writing and raced straight off to Barnes & Noble, a bookstore chain in the USA, and bought the books and a spiral-bound notebook. A couple of hours later, while I was waiting at JFK airport for my flight home, I did my first writing exercise.

That day was 24th August 1999 and it was the start of an amazing creative journey. Looking back over the last ten years I feel I have achieved so much. I have written a novel, several short stories and for many years I wrote articles for a Buddhist magazine called The Art of Living. In response to my dream of being an inspirational speaker I set up Lead The Life You Want To Lead, have coaching clients and now give my own talks and workshops. I no longer work full-time in IT though sometimes I do part-time consulting work. This suits me very well because it is a good income stream yet still leaves time for my creative endeavours and for Lead The Life. Finally, after years of living life as a Bridget Jones singleton, I now have a wonderful partner.

I would like to share some of the lessons I have learned during these last ten years. Firstly: start! Whatever your heart’s desire may be in terms of hobbies, creative pursuits or a future occupation, start taking small steps of action towards it. I worked through Julia Cameron’s books and then began working on my novel while I was still working full time in IT. If your dreams lead beyond your current day job then don’t give it up straightaway but see if you can make the job fit your needs, rather than vice versa – and keep taking action towards your future.

Always live a life of learning and be inspired by those around you. Celebrate the success of others, learn how they created this success and apply those principles to your own endeavours.

Persist! I have had many, many knock-backs and disappointments. However, the only way to make your dreams come true is to keep at it, no matter what.

Don’t be afraid to dream big goals. I have many items on my goal list that I haven’t yet achieved, but for the ones that have come to fruition, it is incredibly satisfying to tick them off.

In my talks and workshops my key message is always that it doesn’t matter how long it takes to achieve your goals, what matters is that you keep taking action towards them. I always stress this because it applies as much to myself as to those in the audience. For example my novel is still not published. However I’m inspired with the knowledge that Stephen King collected a huge pile of rejection letters before making it big, so I’m on the right track! This goal is taking longer than I thought to achieve but as long as I keep taking action towards it, then there is a good chance that I will succeed – even if it takes another ten years!

Looking ahead to August 2019, what would you like to achieve? What would you like to be reporting back on? What are your proudest accomplishments going to be? What action do you need to take today to make them happen?

I have recently had the privilege of doing some coaching for Woman and Home magazine. As part of this I was asked to provide some tips on what to do if your heart wants you to follow a new occupation but your bank balance suggests that you may need to stay in your current job. In this month’s newsletter I’d like to share these tips with you.

First of all, don’t give up your day job – at least not immediately – but do start taking some kind of action towards your dream occupation. Maybe there is a course you can take, perhaps you can start putting your business together while you are still working or maybe you can do your day job part-time so that you have the best of both worlds.

Often, when we are unhappy with our life we blame our job and think that everything would be okay if only we were doing something else. This is not necessarily the case. My advice is to see if there is an activity you can undertake which will give you a flavour of your chosen occupation while still enjoying the security and familiarity of your current employment. For example, if you work as a lawyer but deep down you want to be a teacher it may be possible for you to have a taste of teaching by volunteering to mentor a young person who is having difficulty with their lessons at school. You may find that this satisfies your teaching urge and makes your life feel more rounded; then you can continue volunteering and earning your lawyer’s salary at the same time. Alternatively if the volunteering does convince you that teaching would be a wonderful move for you, then you can continue to pursue this path safe in the knowledge that you’re not making a terrible mistake.

Keeping your job, at least for the time being, has many other advantages. Your employer might run some interesting charity schemes or you might be able to opt for a career break or take some unpaid leave. Many people who make the move to self employment also find that their employer and/or their colleagues become their first clients. Your employment provides you with a large network of people who know, like and trust you so find ways to use this to its best potential.

If you do decide to change career and your new occupation is not as well paid, don’t despair. Being unhappy at work can be an expensive business because you end up treating yourself with retail therapy or an endless amount of must-have gadgets. If your work becomes more fulfilling then you might find that you don’t really need as many designer clothes or technological gizmos. There may also be other ways you can downsize your expenses such as moving to a different geographic area, taking in a lodger or having a cull on subscriptions such as the gym membership you hardly use or the television package which has more channels than you ever watch.

Finally, don’t be afraid to dream big. If you only achieve half of your dreams then that’s a lot more fulfilling than not dreaming and staying boxed into a miserable life!

You can read the coaching feature on page 42 of the current issue Woman and Home. The magazine also contains a number of other articles about changing your occupation and fulfilling long held dreams –these articles may be useful to males as well as readers females!

I am coming towards the end of my month without watching television. It has been an interesting experiment.

On the plus side I have regained a sense of discipline around things that have/need to be done such as my Buddhist chanting, writing and increased levels of activity. I haven’t missed watching any specific programme (not even Neighbours to which I was highly addicted!) though I have missed the act of relaxing on my sofa while watching TV. Every week of the experiment I have particularly noticed this on a Friday evening.

I chose to eschew all forms of visual entertainment though I did watch a couple of episodes of the West Wing last weekend at my boyfriend’s house. I blipped a little this week too on Tuesday: I’d had a bit of a dodgy back during the day and really needed to relax in the evening so I watched a couple more West Wings. It was absolutely heaven to recline on my sofa and soak up some well written drama.

What happens next – will I give up TV forever? No. I think there is nothing wrong with watching some quality programming so I will be retrieving the cabling between my Sky box and the TV from my boyfriend’s house and plugging it back in next week. I will however change the way I watch. I think the secret is to record a couple of hours of decent programming during the week and then watch it at the weekend thus freeing myself from the tyranny of plonking myself in front of the box and channel surfing of an evening. I’m also going to gradually work my way through a few more episodes of the West Wing which has become a surprise winner in this experiment.

Thanks for following my journey.

This week has been a week of temptation to which I am proud to say that mostly I have not succumbed. Although the cable between my Sky box and the television is residing at my boyfriend’s house for the duration of this experiment, if I really wanted to cheat I could always re-deploy the cabling for my DVD player. Or indeed I could replace television viewing with watching DVDs instead or I could watch programmes over the internet. However, I wanted this month of life without TV to be about eschewing all ways of visual entertainment and doing something else instead.

Early on in the week I had a sore throat and a bit of a fever and was worried that it might develop into something a bit more sinister (such as oink-oink flu). At that point I thought that if I’m laid up ill at home then I definitely want to veg in front of some mindless TV. Thankfully by Wednesday it turned into a cold and I began to feel much better.

It was also a week of interesting programmes – I quite fancied the BBC drama on Iraq called Occupation so maybe I’ll catch this another time or maybe my life would be just fine anyway even if I don’t ever get to watch it! The other temptation on the horizon is the fact that the new series of Ugly Betty starts soon and this has always been one of my favourite shows!

Again on the plus side this week I found that I was gaining small pockets of time and getting jobs done such as choosing some concerts from this year’s Proms season and actually getting around to booking them. My Buddhist practice is firmly back on track and this in turn makes me feel in a good rhythm with life. Part of the reason for switching off the TV was to find time to be more active. I’ve been going out on bike rides (whether small local errands or riding just for the sheer joy of it) as well as paying attention to the calorie content of treats and desserts, and I am pleased to announce that I have lost six pounds in weight since the beginning of this experiment. If I lose a further six pounds then this puts me back in the healthy BMI range.

So where did I succumb to temptation? Actually I’m not sure whether I broke my own rules or not because I spent the weekend at my boyfriend’s house and his television habits are not within the remit of my one month experiment. No, I didn’t sit glued to the box for the weekend but we did watch two episodes of the West Wing on DVD. (Incidentally, he is a huge West Wing fan, has the complete box set of DVDs and has seen every episode several times.) I did not watch the West Wing when it was originally broadcast and initially, when introduced to it by his good self, struggled to like it mainly because the dialogue is very fast and there seem to be a lack of chairs on the set so everything is said with the characters walking down a corridor on the way to their next crisis. However, over time the quality of the drama and the writing grew on me and I finally got to know the characters and now enjoy watching it on an occasional basis.

The first episode we watched this weekend was the last episode in Season 2 where it is Mrs Landingham’s funeral. For those of you who know the West Wing, I think the scene where Jed Bartlett is alone in the National Cathedral having a rant with God is awe-inspiring. The other one we watched was the opening episode of Season 3 which was a one-off storyline written as a fund raiser and tribute to 9/11. Again, just fantastic writing containing debate and discussion of the fears and issues of that time.

I don’t think TV is wholly bad when it is used as medium to watch and debate fantastic stories. Human beings from time without beginning have participated in story telling whether it be tales handed down through generations told around the camp fire, a good novel or a trip to the musical hall or picture palace. There’s nothing wrong with a good story and some TV programmes achieve this in a highly creative and brilliant way.

I guess that just needs to be balanced against the dross and manipulative drivel which also fills the airwaves and the amount of time we can waste getting drawn into it!

It’s been another good week. All positive apart from the same pang on Friday evening when I realised that flopping down after a hard week mindlessly in front of the box was not an option. Instead I listened to Friday Night Is Music Night on Radio 2 which inspired me to spend a little while playing the piano, and I also did a bit of writing.

Last night was particularly interesting because I was incredibly tired. I had been attending a course all day and could really have done with having a lie-in rather than getting up and getting out to the course. So when I came home about 6.30 pm I was particularly shattered. I decided to cook dinner, do a couple of chores and then go straight to bed. Had I have been in TV mode I would have probably, despite my tiredness, got involved in watching something or putting a film on and not gone to bed until normal time. However, last night I stayed true to my early night promise and was in bed by 9pm. I never usually go to bed that early but occasionally tiredness requires it. I had the most glorious twelve hours rest and got up this morning feeling a whole lot better.

I’ve survived my first week without television. Yee-hah!

Positives:

And now the negatives:

In conclusion, there have been many benefits particularly with regard to my Buddhist practice and I have enjoyed breaking through very entrenched habits. To be honest, I can’t imagine getting rid of the telly forever because I think it does have some value, but I am more than happy to continue with my one month experiment.

Over the last few days I have been glued to Britain’s Got Talent (I voted for Susan Boyle and Stavros Flatterly) and have thoroughly enjoyed every minute of it. However, as enjoyable and fun as it all was, my own disciplined routine and creative pursuits went out of the window. As I admired each act for their hard work, skill and determination a little voice in the back of my head kept saying something along the lines of: “Why don’t you turn the telly off, remove your bottom from the sofa and get back to work on your own ambitions?”

So I have decided, as an experiment, to abandon television for the next month and do other things instead. To facilitate this move I have pulled out the cable between my Sky box and the TV and given it to my boyfriend to hide away at his house. (There is not a TV aerial at my flat so watching terrestrial television is not an option.)

Although I do not spend hours and hours staring mindlessly at the goggle box it does hijack some of the activities I intend to do. I have always been inspired by a blog I read a few years ago written by Dr John Briffa where he completely unplugged his television and found that it was much easier to get up in the morning and get his writing done. I have often mentioned this strategy in my Lead The Life talks but have never felt that such drastic action was necessary for me – until BGT this week!

At the moment I am not active enough and need to do more writing. I struggle to get up in morning and have observed that channel surfing of an evening is a very good way to stay up past one’s bed time.

I practice Buddhism and spend some time chanting every morning and evening; but in the last few weeks my evening prayers have frequently taken second place to lolling on the sofa watching Desperate Housewives, Britain’s Next Top Model, Neighbours (yes I admit to having watched and enjoyed it for many years and since moving to Channel Five it is available for breakfast, lunch, dinner and supper) and the endless re-runs of Friends and Sex and The City. Thanks to +1 hour channels the latter two shows seem to be broadcast at any time in the evening and even though I have seen all the episodes over and over again, I still can’t resist watching a few minutes more. When I do finally find the off button on the remote my altruistic desires and yearning for enlightenment have somewhat waned and I end up paying lip service to what should be a profound celebration of my Buddhahood and higher self!

What am I hoping to gain from this experiment? I’m hoping that I will get more sleep, an easier get-up in the morning leading to more creative and physical activity and a re-discovery of life beyond the sofa. Let’s see what happens. I’m going to write weekly posts during June and let you know.

PS – to read John Briffa’s blog mentioned above, click here.

It’s already March, the clocks are about to change and Easter will soon be upon us. The DIY’s still not getting done, work is as busy as ever and the summer holiday is still not booked! How about that evening course or exercise class you’ve been meaning to book for ages? Sound familiar? Where did the last three months go you may be asking?

Managing time can be a big challenge (it is certainly one of mine) and it is easy for time to slip by and suddenly you realise that you have not even started on your goals, let alone progressed them further. Below you will find some time management tips that may help you to make a space to do the things you want:

1. Prioritise towards your goals – The advantage of knowing what your goals are is that you can base your priorities around them. Each activity that you undertake will either take you closer to your goals, or away from them. It’s as simple as that. Try applying this rule for a day and see what happens.

2. Start taking steps, no matter how small, towards your goals – you don’t have to give up your day job or abandon your family, just start doing something in the pockets of time that you do have.

3. Keep your to-do list realistic – it’s better to concentrate on one or two things and to get them done rather than panic and try to get too many things done and not finish any of them. If you make a decision about how long you want to give to each task then there is a greater chance that you will get the task completed within that timeframe.

4. Managing interruptions to your day – You know how it is, you have your to-do list organised and the day beautifully mapped out then someone phones you up with a so-called emergency and your day ends up in shreds. Next time that happens take a moment to think before you react. Tell the person you’ll call them back in five minutes. Now ponder the problem – can you spare the time to sort it out? Does it have to be sorted out now? What about later after you have finished your current task? Tomorrow? Do you need to sort the problem out or can someone else do it? Then phone the person back with your plan.

5. Take control of your time – make a decision to take control of your time and be aware of how other people can easily waste it.

6. Stop, breathe, think – when you do have one of those nightmare days, where everything seems to slip out of control, remember that at any point you can – stop, breathe, think – and then reclaim the remainder of your day.

7. Concentrate on what you can do, not what you can’t – many of us wish we could go to the gym more often or read more or spend more time doing our hobby but the reality of modern life is that we often cannot devote the time we wish to activities we would rather be doing. However, I have found that when I focus on what I can do, rather than what I can’t, I feel better about it. For example, I can go to the gym on Thursdays and Sundays. I’d love to go one more time a week, say on a Monday, but it just doesn’t fit in my schedule so I make the most of Thursdays and Sundays. Likewise with my creative pursuits – I would like to spend more time practising the piano but if I can only spend ten minutes playing through a piece of music then that is better than not doing it. What can you do?

Recently I was asked by a local BBC radio station to comment on a survey which stated that the average Briton spends two and a quarter hours a day worrying. This figure had risen by half an hour because of the credit crunch. That means in the course of a lifetime, we will spend an average of six years and six months fretting over problems or potential problems. In order to respond I started thinking about how we can not only cope but survive and thrive in troubled times.

The first point I made in the interview was that research has shown that 80% of what we worry about does not actually happen. Based on the above figure that means that we are wasting one hour and forty minutes a day on unrequited worry when we could be doing something more fun, nurturing or taking action to solve what ever it is we are worrying about. There is nothing like taking action, even if it is only the first one or two steps of a much bigger task to help calm the nerves and start to feel in control of the situation. Doing something is empowering, doing nothing and sitting in a panic is not.

Very often our fears (or fear of our fears) are harder to deal with than if they actually happened and turned into reality. I once heard a story from a lady whose apartment had burned into the ground; not only that but she discovered that her insurance had expired just a couple of days before the fire and she had not renewed it. Her husband worked on a self employed basis from home in the media technology sector and all of his equipment was destroyed. This meant that in addition to the family being made homeless, they also had no source of income. However day by day, with the help of friends and family, they did what had to be done, her husband was offered some highly paid office based work where he did not need his own equipment and now, five years later they live in an amazing house that they once only dreamed of. Looking back over the experience she says that having to face her fears was not as bad as being continually scared by them. She had always felt held back by the nagging worry of ‘losing it all’ but when this became reality she actually found it very freeing and feels fortunate for having had the experience. She no longer lives under the dark clouds of worry and doubt.

Another way of reducing our worries is to stop feeding them. A few weeks ago my television broke and for two weeks I only had the radio for entertainment. During this time I noticed that I felt less anxious about the worsening economic situation and realised it was because I was no longer starting my day watching television news nor ending it with News At Ten. The radio gave me a quick bulletin of the main news points so I was not ignorant of current affairs but I was not spending too much time focussing on the doom and gloom nor was I re-enforcing the negative feelings with visual images. Happily my television is now repaired and I have decided to keep refraining from watching the news.

We can also reduce our worries by making ourselves stronger. Imagine a thin, weak tree with brittle branches and not many roots. If a strong wind were to blow then the tree will snap or topple over. Now imagine a tree with a strong trunk and deep, wide roots. The same strength of wind may make its branches sway a little but the tree will remain standing and the gale will eventually pass. How could you become stronger so that you can withstand the storms that life produces from time to time?

As I have mentioned above taking action towards our worries builds inner strength. However, remember that you can only act on affairs within your control. For example, you cannot personally control the unemployment statistics or resurrect Woolworths from the dead but you can examine your own finances, make sure that you are getting the best value for money on household bills and trim your expenses accordingly.

Another way of creating a stronger self is through a regular prayer or meditative practice. This might be through an established religion or be of a more spiritual nature. Our inner strength can also be increased by disciplined activities that we do “religiously” such as exercise, walking or writing a daily diary. These activities give us time and space for personal reflection where we can sort out in our own mind what is worth worrying about, and what isn’t.

We have all the wisdom we need to succeed with life’s challenges – it is just a case of tapping into that wisdom and learning to trust what it tells us.

“Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we have been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.” Barack Obama

We are living in unprecedented times of turmoil and strife. From the continued violence in DR Congo to the collapse of our financial systems, stability we once took for granted no longer exists. Alongside these seismic shifts we are skating around trying to hold our lives together as best we can.

A few weeks ago a gentleman called me to enquire about coaching. He was involved in the construction business and was suffering because of the downturn in the housing market. When people phone me to ask about my services I usually give them a mini coaching session there and then, so I asked him where he would like to be a year from now. He replied that he wanted to return to having a materially well-off life with all the trappings of success such as a new car every year. As the coach I asked him what would need to happen for him to achieve these objectives and he responded that the property market would have to come back up again. This seemed to me to be a very external answer as he had no direct control over the housing market yet all his desires and sense of wellbeing were resting on it. I then asked him what action could he personally take that would help his situation which did not depend on the market. He was very surprised that I had asked him such a question. Although he answered with a couple of suggestions he was clearly uncomfortable that I was pressing him for action and the conversation was soon over.

I felt quite disturbed by this phone call and was concerned for the gentleman. I was struck by how dependent he was on external factors and how, with that factor not performing the way he wanted it to, he was completely lost.

We have to take responsibility for our own situation and be flexible and open minded in the approach we take in order to cope with what life hurls at us. We may need to drastically cut our lifestyle or be prepared to accept a job or pay packet that is less than we are used to. How many ways can we see value in our lives that is not linked to our financial worth? What action can we take to increase this alternative value? What can we prepare ourselves to let go of if our status quo is threatened?

Having mostly lived a freelance life I have always survived without job security but I cannot imagine the pain I feel if I were to lose my home. But I do know that I have a very nimble mind that would quickly think of alternative solutions and would make the best of wherever I found myself.

There is opportunity in change and very often a downturn in circumstances can lead us to buried treasure that we would not have otherwise discovered. More than once in my career I have had to accept a pay rate that was beneath my desired level. This always motivated me to find ways for alternative income which eventually resulted in me earning far more than I had originally planned.

Only we can find happiness and fulfilment for ourselves and we have to make regular efforts to build this sense of inner security. As we do that let’s determine to not only survive through current adversities but to find ways to thrive as well. As the man whose quotation appears at the top of this blog entry says – “Yes We Can!”